CHICAGO, ILLINOIS — Aggressively pumping his car horn in dead stop traffic for the past 14 straight minutes, 42-year-old parole officer Vinny Nealson remains utterly shellshocked that he hasn’t moved a single inch toward the upcoming intersection’s unprotected left turn. “Do these friggin’ clowns not understand what the goddamn horn means?” Nealson rhetorically asked while fidgeting wildly in his seat. “I know it jams up here sometimes. But, that’s what this thing is for! If I’m honking, that’s the sign it’s time for these hooligans to get their asses moving.” Maintaining the continuous harmony of his Nissan’s shrieking honk, Nealson’s supreme irritation at the uncontrollable situation resulted in him loudly yelling obscenities at the roughly two dozen other drivers ahead of him attempting to make the same turn onto one of the busiest streets in the Southside of Chicago. “I’m not sure what those jabronis are doing up there,” he said. “I don’t give a shit if there are oncoming cars. Just turn you asshats! Some of us have places to be and lives to ruin.”
Max Rosenblum is a comedian and writer based out of Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mrmaxrose.