Tag: politics

Protest kicking statues

Protesters Demand Future Monuments Be Constructed Out Of Softer Materials To Avoid Injuries When Kicked

This article originally appeared in The Antwerp Oyster.

WASHINGTON D.C. – An online petition calling for constructing all future statues and monuments in the U.S. out of a more malleable material has gone viral after it garnered half a million signatures in four days. In a statement made on Change.org, the petition’s organizers Zarhia Pewter and Joni Keef expressed the urgent need for local municipalities to build statues out of material that “when kicked or punched to bits” won’t actually injure its self-righteous assailants. “I was actually in Durham [North Carolina — Ed.] at the time and witnessed how those people bravely ganged up on the statue honoring the Confederate soldiers who cowardly perished for their backward beliefs like way back and stuff. It totally broke my heart to see some of them in need of treatment for broken toes, feet and the odd ukulele,” said Pewter.

While Pewter and Keef acknowledged the variety of potential complications that could arise from having essentially ‘softer’ statues, such as a higher likelihood of falling over naturally or being subject to extreme weather, both campaigners maintain local councils should still prioritize the wellbeing of their iconoclastic citizens. “It’s crucial that if we discover at a later point that our nation’s statues and monuments are racist, bigoted or just embarrassingly outdated in any way, brave activists on the front line should be able to kick the shit out of public property, while comfortably sipping their lattes or mochaccinos and not worrying about any nasty bruises,” Keef added. “It’s precisely that freedom to be a total, self-centered, wishy-washy PC jackass that our forefathers died fighting for.” Supportive messages for the petition have poured in over the past few days, as well as suggestions for how future monuments could be built including plush, bean bag beans and hair weaves.

Max Rosenblum is a comedian and satire writer based out of Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @mrmaxrose.

Activists rebuke neo-Nazi rally, interested in their points about Jews though

As protestors clashed with white supremacists and neo-Nazis in downtown Charlottesville, Va. during Saturday’s “Unite the Right” rally, one thing became evidently clear: there is a growing contingent of Americans who aim to demonstrate that this country is not a safe harbor for hatred and bigotry.

“What the alt-right, Nazis and KKK are doing to our country is an absolute disgrace to basic American values,” said Kimberly Ashton, who drove 3 hours to protest. “We’ve taken a dark turn since the election; those who discriminate against others on the basis of race, class, gender and religion have become emboldened in their beliefs.”

While white supremacists attending the rally were met with resistance by progressive activists, many from the opposition shied away from outright condemnation of the march, arguing the importance of finding opportunities to pursue shared values.

“As we witness downright bigotry displayed toward minorities in this country, we must not forget those who face oppression abroad,” Ashton said. “For instance, Israel is committing genocide against Palestinians, so those racists do make a decent point about Jews.”

While activists such as Ashton and others repudiated the overall theme of the rally, white nationalists chanting anti-Semitic and Nazi slogans including “blood and soil” and “Jews will not replace us” weren’t enough to draw outright disapproval.

University of Virginia graduate student Peter Hanover expressed extreme contempt for the “Unite the Right” march, but stressed how intersectionality can advance social causes.

“Yes, it is true that the ideology of those marching is extremely problematic,” Hanover said. “At the same time, so is Zionism. Progressives stand united against those who seek to discriminate against any minority group, yet we cannot shy away from attempts to find common ground. At least Hitler was an environmentalist.”

Ashton and Hanover held firm to their beliefs even when recited the definition of Zionism, that is the establishment and development of a homeland for Jews, free from oppression and hatred, much like that which was demonstrated by neo-Nazis over the weekend.

While it may seem shocking that some opposed to the neo-Nazi rally could hold even remotely similar views to the marchers themselves, it has actually become more par-for-the-course in recent months. In June, Jewish lesbian marchers were kicked out of the progressive Chicago Dyke March for carrying LGBTQ pride flags stitched with the Jewish Star of David, the most recognizable Jewish symbol today.

Dyke March organizers, who tout their commitment to representing minority communities and the historically oppressed, doubled down on their decision to ask Jewish demonstrators to leave tweeting that “Zio tears replenish my electrolytes.”

By the end of the day, one more thing became evidently clear: despite having deep ideological divisions, we can always find a place of mutual agreement.

Max Rosenblum is a comedian and satire writer based out of Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter @mrmaxrose.